Old Ink

You may or may not be surprised to hear this but here it is: for a little over a decade, I had kind of a wild life. I was never into heroin or crack or anything but I did like to party (ahh the Clinton years…). I should note that I managed to graduate summa cum laude from a fairly respectable institution of higher learning and hold down a series of (mostly) respectable jobs during this time. Anyway, at the beginning of the 90s, I got a yin-yang circle tattooed on my right shoulder. Totally unoriginal, right? And now, 20 years later, it’s totally lopsided too. This is very much in line with an old friend’s theory that tattoos evolve with the bearer. I would definitely say that my yin (slow, soft, insubstantial) is taking over my yang…

So, one recent morning while Hank was in school, Coco was watching Pim in her parents’ room while I took a shower. I came into the bedroom to get dressed and heard a little voice say, “What’s on your back?” Busted. “Ummm…it’s just a little stamp…” (She gets stamps on her hand at the library after storytime.) I admit, it caught me off guard. The truth is, I tend to forget about it, and the subject hadn’t come up in ages. Henry asked about it a few times when he was younger but let it go after a few evasive answers. Coco has asked to see it my “stamp” couple of times, but I just keep pretending not to hear her.

In general, I don’t think regrets are a very good idea. I tend to be in the Edith Piaf school on that one. Our choices, good and bad, make us who we are, and I’m fundamentally happy with who I am. But yes. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t get the tattoo. At the risk of sounding terribly trite, I really do think the human body is amazing as it is and doesn't need much embellishment. Permanent body art also goes against the minimalist philosophy I’ve cultivated as gotten older. But it’s not something I agonize over. Plenty of GenX parents have ‘em right? I’m not going to get it removed or anything. There it is and there it will remain. But I would like to downplay it as much as possible as far as my kids are concerned. I may be a big old hypocrite, but I don’t want my beautiful people getting tattoos…ever.

All of this gets me wondering about how conscientious parents deal with their not so perfect pasts. Explaining a tattoo to a toddler is one thing, but how will I answer questions about drug use and premarital sex when my kids are older? I guess we’ll cross those bridges when we get there…Besides, there are certainly mommies out there with way more baggage than me… There was a recent essay in Brain, Child about a woman telling her kids about her previous marriage. At least I don’t have to deal with that one…Makes a little bit of old ink seem like a piece of cake.